The Chronicles of Alex

No, some things don’t change.

Like the honey chipotle chicken and hot salsa on my Chipotle bowl to-go. Like the way when I’m about to actually go to sleep I flip to my right side and curl up into a ball. Like the way I text my friends “I love you.” out of the blue and they check to make sure I’m okay. Like the way I shell out song recommendations every new music Friday to people like Oprah handing out cars. 

These are good things that haven’t changed and probably won’t. I have settled into routine and know what I like. Preference is good and dandy. I love sharing things that remind me of people or think they may like it. I probably saw something or was thinking about something, and it led me to think of a specific person. These things are small intricacies of who I am. 

I think I learned this from my father. He may not be good with words but always ensures to use his same trusted emoji at the end of a text or leave a book on the table for someone. This is his way to say “I love you” that I have learned as well. Sharing small habits or thoughts with those you hold close is saying I love you. 

I am a creature of habit and routine, who does the above and more religiously.

But some things must change.

Like the way I react to silence by trying to understand and will not let go until I am ready to fully burn a bridge. Like the way I am now willing to try any and everything while not being the best at it. Like the way I let my thoughts consume me until I cannot function. Like the way I will strike up a conversation with anyone now. 

Staying the same and changing are good. It’s okay for some things to change while others stay the same, and it can be detrimental if some things stay the same while others change. I have come to recognize that through a lot of life, and it isn’t easy to see sometimes. 

It is hard to admit when things need to change, and it is equally as hard to see when things have changed if it’s not what you expected. For me, it is easier to know when things need to change but harder to actually do it. I am good at making changes if it is framed as practice – I had to practice talking to people and networking for school, then one day I did it without thinking and realized I did it after! As a generally reserved human, this was HUGE for me! Making conscious changes knowing you are fighting something so ingrained in oneself is very difficult. Sometimes feeling nearly impossible (at least in my personal experience).

You can’t change the core of yourself (not easily at least), because that is much deeper than just today or yesterday or last week or last year. Though, you can re-frame the some things don’t change into the what if I practiced something different, like new hobbies, today or tomorrow. 

I’ll keep practicing if you promise to as well.