The Chronicles of Alex

The second law of thermodynamics states that the total entropy of an isolated system can only increase or remain constant in a spontaneous process; it never decreases. 

I did not study physics at a high level. Frankly, I am grateful that I didn’t; although, the basic understanding I have of physics is enough to give me the understanding I need. Entropy is disorder. It is chaos, uncertainty, and randomness, and it fills our daily lives. We attempt to create order, naturally, in this system of ever-increasing disorder, but it never seems to stay neat and orderly. The disorder is always growing as the second law of thermodynamics states. 

My brain likes order; dare I say loves it. I am a human that loves numbers, calculations, and rules, because there is one correct answer that is nice and neat – no ifs, ands, or buts. There is logic and rational reasons for every outcome. I find comfort in knowing what is going to happen. I find peace in knowing what move I am supposed to make next. There is solace in knowing what to do and when to do it, but I have found that the more I try to control my surroundings the more disorder occurs; the neater I try to wrap everything up the more randomness ensues. 

I have learned to wrap up my anxiety in a neat bow in attempts to create order; I know what I need to do in certain situations, how to calm myself, and every next step I am supposed to make, but this leaves me panicking when the randomness is unexperienced. 

The second law of thermodynamics and a quote from Hollywood Stargirl hit me in a spot that therapists and friends haven’t ever been able to… There is disorder in this world, and we make mistakes or missteps or repeat harmful patterns, but we learn from both of those things, whether they were in our control or not. So, make mistakes, but don’t regret them. The randomness isn’t about you, but how you handle it is. Humans are unable to see the future and perfectly curate worlds as a beautiful museum, so we fail and make messes and react poorly. You can’t fight the mess, but you can be at peace with it. 

Energy is stored carefully if not discretely but never stays that way. There is always constant motion in the universe, in our lives. The more I fight it – the more I try to say nature and physics are wrong – the worse I feel. Perhaps I am made to understand the laws of nature but not control them. This brings me to mistakes and regret. I have made plenty of mistakes in my life, some bigger than others, but I don’t regret them. I learn from them; I learn how to put one foot in front of the other again without overthinking the steps I took 5 miles ago and knowing how to better take steps 5 miles from here. Those steps [choices] put me where I am right now; I must deal with them to grow with the disorder.

We are all fallible humans, who make miscalculated errors. We underestimate the probability that things occur. We make our best attempt to predict everything. Maybe us trying to calculate the probability of every move is the mistake in this world of entropy. Don’t hold regrets but learn from what could be one.