The Chronicles of Alex

I heard life is tourist and kindness is cool. Two of my favorite men taught me that in very different ways…

Robbin Williams and Anthony Bourdain – very different people on the exterior, but I believe they teach the same powerful lessons. Anthony Bourdain epitomized cool with his moody, bad boy persona after growing up in a well-to-do, multi-ethnic household. He perfected a craft through grit and obsession (the only way to do it) while battling inner demons most of adulthood; he pursued passion through curiosity and conversation becoming one of the most idolized chefs to ever chef. Robbin Williams was an All-American, picture-perfect story; his only option was success, and he was set up for it from a young age. He brought laughter and life to everyone around him; his mission was to have everyone he encountered take life less seriously. He brought lightness and life everywhere he went. 

These two men gave their lives to those around them in very different fashions. Bourdain as an arrogant, jet-setting chef that couldn’t settle down and Williams as a person with great talent and character who could make any situation lighter. They treated people with kindness and understanding in attempts to heal or ignore parts of themselves that were broken. They gave what they never got – kindness, empathy, curiosity, depth, laughter, and various other human characteristics. They were attempting to find humanness. They were attempting to connect with others perhaps to disconnect from themselves. 

Their attempts at connection were their ways of experiencing life; both were labeled differently which shaped how the world came to interact with them. You should never have to explain your life story to receive kindness or understanding from others. Ever. Everyone has a story, and a person’s life on the outside and their demeanor tells you nothing about what they’ve experienced or are going through; people are quite good at hiding things. Masking shame and trauma are how you avoid stereotypes, labeling, hurt, and pity. Your story and experiences are not comparable to someone else’s; it’s so hard to be open with people, because it becomes a competition of trauma or life experiences or successes. It was never a competition… but life has become a really fucked up one, in my opinion. 

Sharing is the basis of human interaction and relationships – sharing meals, information, stories, memes, etc. That’s what forms relationships and builds trust, but people are so judgmental that has become impossible. Life has become a rat race, but you can be a rat and be a human as well (MAYBE). I know it is impossible to do everything all at once, but I dare you to pursue your goals with a vengeance and live like you aren’t going to see the sun tomorrow! Balance is important, and we are all going to do it in different ways. For me, balance is sacrificing sleep in most scenarios. I would rather be tired for an hour right after waking up than not have gone out with my friends after working and studying all day; I won’t get to make those memories again. What I sacrifice has changed as seasons of life have changed and will continue to change. 

So, with that… How have we forgotten how to be human? How have we gotten to now? Why have we stopped dancing with strangers in restaurants? Why have we stopped accepting invitations for meals with people we barely know? Why do we care so much? Why are we afraid? 

Because we fear judgement and misunderstanding along with getting caught in the hustle and bustle of life. The younger generation has retreated behind screens and locked doors of one-bedroom apartments. People assume the worst and take everything with ill intent. We aren’t going to grab food with a stranger met at a bar the night before or someone in class we usually don’t talk to, because “what if it’s a date?!”, “what if this gets misconstrued?”, “what if it’s awkward?” WHO CARES. Only you, baby. People are so wrapped up in their own lives that they may make a snide comment then move on. They move on, forget, and some of the best are lost.

Bourdain and Williams competed with themselves not those around them; there was a battle inside each of them that was hidden by success and the bustle of life. Everyone praised their success and idolized their personas forgetting that they were human, too. We forget that our larger-than-life idols are human just like us. Neither of them cared what other people thought and treated people with genuine care and curiosity. Why shouldn’t we as well?

I try to bring warmth into a cold place, because people deserve kindness and understanding at face value. There is no point in being off-putting, even when I’m exhausted. There is no point in being serious when it isn’t required. There is no point in shutting out care and love; you could wake up one day and it’s all gone. I’d rather be able to find love everywhere than nowhere. Maybe I choose to ignore certain things or maybe I’m just oblivious to what goes through other people’s minds. Maybe this makes me a happier human. 

So, treat life like a vacation, make the small things BIG, work your ass off, love everyone around you a little extra, and be kind. Especially when it’s hard.